BabyDaddy Delight

When I was first “dating” BabyDaddy, I used my cooking wiles to try to snag this Green Mohawked Adonis. One of my tricks was cooking delicious dinners for him to enjoy, and then “accidentally” belch softly in my ear while he simultaneously whispered sweet somethings. Obviously, my cooking and his Mad Wooing skillz have managed to keep us happily hitched for 15 years. I will now give you the sauce recipe that is the rubber cement during our trying times.

**This dish is especially dedicated to my Culinary Hypnotherapist, Larry and to Uncle Billy. These are my bachelor playboys and they need recipes that can be easily made on their jets.**

LemonWineGarlicButterOil Sauce

1/2 stick salted butter

Garlic, as much as you like, chopped

1 tbs olive oil, flavored is even better (See the Cornbread post for ideas)

2 lemons, one juiced, one cut in half

1 glass boxed white wine, dry and citrusy (if you must, use a screw top bottle) NOT OPTIONAL

Salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste

1 lb raw, peeled shrimp

or

1 lb raw scallops

or

1 lb tilapia, chopped

or

1 lb chopped raw chicken breast

Melt butter in a nice sized skillet over low heat. Add oil and garlic. Sweat for a few minutes. Add protein, lemon juice, wine, and a pinch of salt. Turn flame to medium. Partially cook protein and remove. Add black and crushed red pepper to taste. Reduce sauce to barely coat the back of a wooden spoon. Put protein back in skillet. Finish cooking. Squeeze half a lemon over sauce and protein and taste for seasonings.

With this mixture you can:

Add to cooked pasta with parmesan

Sop up with crusty bread

Blend with vodka and drink with straw

Serve on a pile of mesclun or arugula with tomatoes and fresh mozzerella

WIN YOUR MATE!!!!!

**Here is an approximate representation of Larry – Culinary Hypnotherapist to the Starz

Gin and Juice

I subscribe to Everyday Food. I love this little magazine. I give it as gifts and find at least one recipe in each issue to try. This time, it was something from their cocktail section. Now, for me, gin is a special liquid. I have only ever had it in countless frosty martinis or in bottomless double highballs with tonic. It is my favorite cocktail liquor. When I saw it paired with lemonade, I thought I would vomit. I was extremely hasty. I’ll admit that. You can’t have more than one of these beauties because they’re too damn sweet, but you will thoroughly enjoy your first.

Thyme Lemonade with Gin

1 part sugar

1 part water

1 bunch of fresh thyme

6 4 parts freshly squeezed lemon juice  (I got a little juice happy there!)

Make a simple syrup with sugar, water, and thyme. Add lemon juice to cooled syrup. Strain into a pitcher and add water and ice to taste. Pour a healthy amount of gin (not the good stuff, Beefeater is perfect) in a large glass and add lemonade & more ice. Squeeze some fresh lemon on top and serve.

This would also be nice with some club soda or seltzer in the glass.

Summer Activity Beans

Hey, I live on the Sun. It’s hot. It’s humid. The Recipe house is not well cooled and it was built before 1935. I don’t like using the oven for about 7 months out of the year.

BUT

I will make my baked beans. They’re the best that processed foods can give us. One day, the sky will blacken and we’ll all be choosing between red and blue pills, but for now, we have my Party Beans.

Party Beans

2 cans Bush’s Vegetarian Baked beans

1 BIG OLE can, Durkee’s (I don’t care IF they’re called French’s now) fried onions

mustard, to taste (I use Dijon because I’m snooty.)

Mrs. Butterworth’s – that’s right, Mrs. Like all good things, she’s taken, boys – to taste

Caveat: Do Not Use Good Maple Syrup. For some insane reason, Mrs. Butterworth’s works best in this.

Preheat oven to 350 F. Pour beans into rational size baking dish. Add mustard and syrup. Stir and taste. Correct terrifying seasonings. Add equally frightening fried onions to oniony saturation point. Bake until bubbly.

Try to hold back tears as people you have handmade puff pastry for ooh and aah over this pile of scrumptious chemicals.

Cornbread

Let’s all have a chat about cornbread, shall we? My peeps are from the Deep South. BabyDaddy’s folks come from the upper Delta. We eat some cornbread here. Fifi makes her version for her To-Die-For-Dressing. I make what is basically a tarted up version of the original, non-sweet, cornmeal ONLY accompaniment to all things bean in this house.

DO NOT ATTEMPT WITHOUT A 9 OR 10 INCH ROUND CAST IRON SKILLET

Cornbread Puttanesca

2 c yellow OR stone ground cornmeal, house brand is Fall’s Mill

2 tsp sugar

3/4 tsp coarse kosher salt, 1/2 tsp table salt

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

2 eggs, beaten

2 c buttermilk or 2 c non skim milk plus 2 tsp white vinegar or lemon juice

1 c corn kernals

1 c sharp cheddar or colby cheese, shredded (Please get pre-shredded. I won’t tell.)

Put a decent amount, 2-3 tbs, of cheap olive oil in your skillet. Put your skillet in the cold oven to heat. Preheat oven to 450 F. Mix together meal, sugar, salt, baking soda, and baking powder in a big bowl. In a smaller bowl, beat the eggs. Add the buttermilk and stir well. Add the corn and cheese. Mix wet with dry when oven temperature is reached. Take the batter to the oven, open the door, pull out the rack with the skillet, and pour the batter into the hot oil. Close the oven and don’t even peek for 15 minutes. Check every 5 minutes until the top of the bread is golden and set. Take the skillet out of the oven and let sit for 15 minutes. The bread is still cooking during this time. Slice and eat and eat and eat and eat.

To make this a High Class Call Girl:

Put one cup of olive oil in a pyrex glass measuring cup. Microwave on high for 30 seconds. Feel. Microwave for another 15-30 seconds or until the glass is hot to the touch. Add whole garlic cloves and/or any fresh herbs you have on hand at this time. Let the oil sit on the counter for at least two hours. Refrigerate and use for up to one month.

Use this oil for your cornbread. It’s subtle, but incredible. And always use protection. Especially with this recipe.

Turkey Pot Pie for Uncle Billy

He’s not my Uncle, but he is Uncle Billy. This is an approximated image of him:

(But for all the ladies in da house, Bill has a glorious head o’ hair.)

As Monsieur Guillaume is a gourmet, I have promised him the secret to Nirvana at Chez Recipe – Turkey Pot Pie. It’s all in the fillo dough crust and the long hours of loving hand work. Not really. Let’s bechamel, shall we?

This title is for all of the folks who remember disco skating and Simple Minds, whom I saw in concert thus rendering me more sensitive than you.

The “Smoke Up, Johnny! Bring Me My” Turkey Pot Pie

You need two turkey parts to bake. BabyDaddy & RockStar like a mix of white & dark so I use 1 drumstick and 1 breast. BD also likes the skin, so I leave it in, but he warns that it can be a bit “slimy”.

1 box frozen fillo dough

olive oil or melted butter for fillo*

1 onion, diced

1 carrot, quartered lengthwise and diced

1 stalk celery, washed and diced

1 tsp dried thyme OR 1 stalk fresh thyme, whole and 1/2 tsp dried thyme

4 tbs (1/2 stick) salted butter

4 tbs all purpose flour

1 quart whole or 2% milk

Veggies that you like in pot pie. I use frozen corn, frozen peas, sometimes taters, sometimes edamame

salt & pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 F. Wash, salt & pepper turkey pieces and put in an 11 inch by 7 inch rectangular pan. I use a clear glass job that I paid $4 for at a place that begins with T and ends with arget. Cover with foil and bake until juices run clear. Set aside, for days even. HOWEVER, I like to leave some of the pan juices in the dish to pour the filling on top of.

Have a cocktail. Get out one of the fillo packets to thaw (or thawl as RockStar insists.)

Melt the butter in a medium saucepan over medium low heat. When all butter is melted and sizzling, add flour and stir constantly so the mixture doesn’t burn. Count to 45 using the Mississippi/Chimpanzee method. Stir in 3/4 of a cup of milk. The sauce will “seize” or clump due to the chill of the milk hitting the butter – IT WILL BE OK.** When the sauce starts to “set” or feel dry, add another 3/4 of a cup of milk. Eventually, the sauce will begin to relax. This means it will take longer for the sauce to set. Add the fresh thyme at this point if you have it. Continue adding milk until the sauce coats the back of a wooden spoon, lightly.** Taste for seasonings and add salt and pepper at this point. Add the dried thyme.

Have a different cocktail.

Add frozen veggies to sauce. Cut or shred turkey into bite sized pieces and add. Let the combined filling cook on LOW for 5-10 minutes after you have tasted for seasonings.

Cocktail.

Make sure oven is 350 F. Pour delicious filling into the pan. Unroll fillo and cover with a damp towel. (Fillo dries out in 30 – 60 seconds so always keep the dough that you aren’t working with covered.) Place two layers of fillo on the pot pie. Breakage is expected and the bits that stand up are the crunchy goodness. Brush top fillo layer with oil or butter, lightly. Keep adding layers, 2 at a time, until you have at least 20 layers. Brush the top layer with oil or butter.

Have a snack.

Put the pot pie in a 350 F oven. Bake until bubbly and the top is a lovely golden brown color all over.

Consume. Put leftovers in the freezer. Eat within 1 month.

*I use olive oil in a Misto, but a cheap paintbrush, well washed, works just fine.

**If you put too much liquid in your bechamel, melt 1 tbs butter and 1 tbs flour in another pan to make a roux. Slowly start adding the thin sauce to this mixture. When you have half the original sauce in the new pan, add it back to the mother sauce.

This is no drawer-dropper, Billy, but it’ll do you right when things are cruddy at the Old Lady Towers.

You’ve got canned tomatoes?

You’ve got sauce. This is adapted from a Cook’s Illustrated recipe.

House Marinara

2 – 3 cloves garlic, chopped

olive oil

2 cans diced tomatoes

5-10 leaves fresh basil, chopped (this must be fresh basil)

sugar and salt to taste

fresh oregano (optional) and/ or crushed red pepper

Heat a few tbs oil in a pan. Open cans of tomatoes. Add garlic to oil. Let sizzle for 15-30 seconds. Add tomatoes and juices. Let simmer for 5-10 minutes over medium heat. Add basil and salt and sugar to balance out flavors. Add oregano and crushed red pepper if you like. Reduce for about 5 more minutes. Add to pasta.

Fresh tomatoes are heaven (in season). Canned tomatoes, especially Muir Glen, are forever. You can also add cream, pork, shrimp, ground beef/turkey, or chicken chunks to this mix.

ABUNDANZA!

Beta carotene, no discernible traces

You have a biological imperative to make crap ass Mac and cheese, right?

Here’s how you stick it to the kids:

Sneaky Mac & Cheez Additive

1 heaping cup baby carrots, whole

1 sweet potato, scrubbed – skin on

1 aseptic pack, silken tofu – soft to firm (optional)

Steam carrots, covered, in a microwave safe bowl for 4-6 minutes with 2 tbs of water – OR – steam in a basket over a pan of boiling water until soft.

Put washed sweet potato in microwave for 4-6 minutes, depending on size. Wrap in foil, plastic wrap, or 2 hand towels (one damp – wrap around potato first. Then the dry towel.) Wait for 20 minutes. You can also bake the potato in foil at 375 F for 40 minutes.

Let carrots and potato cool.

Put tofu, potatoes, and carrots in a blender or food processor. Mix ingredients until smooth. Measure out into 1/2 cup portions in ziplock bags. Put bags in frrezer.

To make Good for Mom Mac ‘n Cheese, boil pasta. Drain, and warm butter and puree in pan. Add milk and stir together. Add cheez pack and reduce to a sauce. Add pasta and serve to kids. Have 3 cocktails.

Woo hoo!

It’s hot in Recipopolis

So here are a few activities that keep Ms. Sketchy’s kitchen cool.

1 – Wine in a Box. Experts say “it’s 2% less embarrassing than it was in the early 90’s!“

2 – Jello Pudding Pops. The vanilla pop, whilst looking a bit like a cross between what could impregnate a cow and a delicious treat, is deeply satisfying.

3 – My asparagus and tomato broil/grill.

The Only Side Dish You’ll Ever Need that Makes Your Pee Smell Musty

1 bunch asparagus, trimmed (if you ever peel asparagus I will come to your house and smack you)

1 cup grape or currant tomatoes

olive oil

sals & pfeffer

Preheat broiler. Put foil on a rimmed baking sheet. Put asparagus spears and tomatoes on foil and drizzle with oil. Toss with your hands and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Leave under broiler until tomatoes pop and asparagus is slightly charred.

This is great hot, cold, room temperature, the next day, and it KILLS at potlucks. Slays. Murders. It doesn’t commit sex crimes, but you might be missing a twenty in the morning. You won’t care.

This sounds gross

But it’s truly awesome.

(Formerly known as Spoogie Fish Bake. BabyDaddy vetoed that on textural grounds.)

Fish Baked in Special Sauce

Enough mild white fish fillets for your crowd, rinsed and dried

Duke’s mayonnaise, Kraft if you must

Either fresh green herbs, chopped (we like parsley & oregano from ye olde gardeneee)

Or

Italian style bread crumbs – Ian’s is house choice

Preheat oven to 350 F. Put fillets on a rimmed baking sheet and salt. Spread mayonnaise over entire top surface of fish. Sprinkle chopped herbs or breadcrumbs on top. Bake for 20 minutes.

The herbs will get crunchy and the breadcrumbs will appeal to the 15 and under crowd.

The Good Eggs

I know this is late for your Hungover Sunday breakfast, but it should still garner you some eternal gratitude at various points in your life.

1-2 good eggs -you can save the cheapo eggs for baking – per person

1 onion, chopped – more for an orgy/brunch

butter – no margarine. no excuses for real, saturated fat.

As much of a jar of roasted red and yellow peppers as you need to face the day

feta – lots, chunked using the SR patented chunking method. (Fork, meet feta.)

Drain and rinse the peppers. Melt the butter in a cast iron skillet. Skinny folks will only have nonstick. It will do, but buy a cast iron skillet if you truly want a Life Partner in your cookware. Cut the onion in half on the equator, and then quarter it. Slice up half moons and saute in the butter until browned. Add the peppers and the egg. Salt and pepper to taste, plus feta and oregano if you have it. Leave on heat until slightly undercooked. TRUST ME. Serve to anyone still in your domicile. BabyDaddy and RockStar love these eggs, and we are not morning folk.